Common Sense
  1. Middleman

    I was sitting in a diner
    With a girl named Flo
    She wouldn't say yes
    But she couldn't say no
    She said "Darling, Can I get a middle man?"
    She was engaged to a fellow
    On the lay a way plan
    But she carried all her money
    In a coffee can
    She said "Darling, Can I get a middle man?"
    The cook looked over
    With a short order face
    Dropped a fork
    And he saw Flo's legs
    Straightened his apron
    And burnt my eggs
    I got competition
    Everywhere I go
    These days
    She was leaning on the juke box
    And was lookin' real good
    Like Natalie Wood
    On a Pontiac hood
    I said "Darling, I think I need a little hand"
    Ya see, I've seen my downs
    I've seen my ups
    I seen miniature dogs
    In coffee cups
    But "Darling I ain't never seen a middle man"
    Flo talked slow
    Like real wet paint
    She said
    "A middle man's there
    When the other ones ain't
    He's got a left handed manner
    That leans to the right
    Sleeps all day
    And keeps it up all night ..."
    ... I got an aunt in Ohio
    And a boat that won't row
    Some veterans insurance
    And nowhere to go
    "Darling, Can I be your middle man?"
    If I could get the money in that coffee can
    I could open me up a lemonade stand
    Send all the kids off to Pakistan
    Make Flo happy
    If I can
    Jerry Mahoney and Johnny B. Goode
    Are gonna buy me a house in Hollywood
    "Darling I think I got the perfect plan"
    "We're gonna save half a dollars
    And sell 'em to France
    Buy us a record
    And learn how to dance
    And Darling I'll always be your middle
    Darling Go buy a griddle
    Darling I wanna be your middle man
  2. Common Sense

    You can't live together
    You can't live alone
    Considering the weather
    Oh my, how you've grown
    From the men in the factories
    To the wild kangaroo
    Like those birds of a feather
    They're gathering together
    And feeling
    Exactly like you
    They got mesmerized
    By lullabies
    And limbo danced
    In pairs
    Please lock that door
    It don't make much sense
    That common sense
    Don't make no sense
    No more
    Just between you and me
    It's like pulling
    When you ought to be shovin,
    Like a nun
    With her head in the oven
    Please don't tell me
    That this really wasn't nothing
    One of these days
    One of these nights
    You'll take off your hat
    And they'll read you
    Your rights
    You'll wanna get high
    Every time you feel low
    Hey, Queen Isabella
    Stay away from that fella
    He'll just get you
    Into trouble, you know?
    But they came here by boat
    And they came here by plane
    They blistered their hands
    And they burned out their brain
    All dreaming a dream
    That'll never come true
    Hey, don't give me no trouble
    Or I'll call up my double
    We'll play piggy-in-the-middle
    With you
    You'll get mesmerized
    By alibis
    And limbo dance in pairs
    Please lock that door
    It don't make much sense
    That common sense
    Don't make no sense
    No more
  3. Come Back to Us Barbara Lewis Hare Krishna Beauregard

    The last time that I saw her
    She was standing in the rain
    With her overcoat under her arm
    Leaning on a horsehead cane
    She said "Carl, take all the money"
    She called everybody Carl
    "My spirit's broke"
    "My mind's a joke,"
    "And getting up's real hard"
    Don't you know her
    When you see her?
    She grew up
    In your back yard
    Come back to us
    Barbara Lewis
    Hare Krishna
    Selling bibles at the airports
    Buying Quaaludes on the phone
    Hey, you talk about
    A paper route
    She's a shut in without a home
    God save her, please
    She's nailed her knees
    To some drugstore parking lot
    Hey, Mr. Brown
    Turn the volume down
    I believe this evening's shot
    (Repeat Chorus)
    Can't you picture her next Thursday?
    Can you picture her at all?
    In the Hotel Boulderado
    At the dark end of the hall
    I gotta shake myself and wonder
    Why she even bothers me
    For if heartaches were commercials
    We'd all be on T.V.
    (Repeat Chorus)
  4. Wedding Day in Funeralville

    It's Wedding Day in Funeralville
    Your soup spoon's on your right
    The King and Queen will alternate
    With the refrigerator light
    They'll be boxing on the T.V. show
    The colored kids will sing
    Hooray for you
    And midnight's oil
    Lets burn the whole damn thing
    Felicia is my dark horse girl
    I'll take her if it rains
    She throws up punch
    Upon the host
    And says many stupid things
    But she ain't so bad
    When we're all alone
    She's as different
    As can be
    She's a part a my heart
    Don'tcha pull us apart
    She's like one of the family
    Oh no! Trouble in the attic
    Won't somebody turn on a light
    Got so, so many troubles
    Can't even tell
    Wrong from right
    I'm gonna comb my hair
    Darn my socks
    Tip my hat
    And say goodnight
    It's Wedding Day in Funeralville
    What shall I wear tonight?
    It's wedding Day in Funeralville
    What shall I wear tonight?
    My car is stuck in Washington
    And I cannot find out why
    Come sit beside me on the swing
    And watch the angels cry
    It's anybody's ballgame
    It's everybody's fight
    And the streetlamp said
    As he nodded his head
    It's lonesome out tonight
    (Repeat Chorus)
  5. Way Down

    Way down
    Way down it must be
    I can't stop this misery
    It must be way down
    Spring is just a smile away
    Laughing at a summer day
    Turn around Look at fall
    Winter, hear my lonely call
    Way down ...
    The air is thin and the sky is fat
    I'm gonna buy me a brand new hat
    Wear it out and go insane
    Christ, I hope it never rains
    Way down ...
    Thought I saw a neon sign
    Flash my name With the time
    Probably didn't see a thing
    Crazy dreams and a broken wing
    Way down ...
    How ya' gonna get sunshine
    Peeking thru Venetian blinds
    Don't you know all that fear
    Begins and ends the same place
    Way down ...
  6. My Own Best Friend

    I'm beginning to like you
    But, you know that ain't right
    'Cause you'll just twist and twist and twist
    Till I'm all crooked inside

    Then you'll take all you gave me
    Like it never was there
    And I think that I might, No! I know
    Yes, I will help you there
    'Cause ...
    I've done it before
    And I'd do it again
    'Cause it's the only time
    That makes me feel like I'm
    My own best friend
    I'm a victim of friction I just got too close to see
    Yeah, we sparked in the dark and God hung a light on me
    And the lamp gets real heavy and it hangs from my heart
    And it comes, and it goes
    Till I can't tell the difference apart
    But ...
    (Repeat Chorus)
    So many people say
    It'll never work out that way
    You can't stand the heat
    While you're watching your heart
    Just melt away in the basement
    On a rainy day
    La la la
    La la la
    La lala
    Lalala la lalaaaaaaaaaa ...
    There's motel in Shreveport
    Don't ask me where, please
    They check in, they check out
    By the light of the color TV's
    And the maid calls you honey
    And she makes your bed slow
    And she speaks, of the sheets that don't fit
    But you know that she knows
    That ...
    (Repeat Chorus)
  7. Forbidden Jimmy

    Forbidden Jimmy
    Has got a mighty sore tooth
    From biting too many dimes
    In a telephone booth
    He's got half of his bootlace
    Tied to the dial
    Thank you operator
    For getting Jimmy to smile
    "Call out the Coast Guard"
    Screamed the Police
    Forbidden Jimmy
    He's got three water skis
    He put two on his wavelength
    And gave one to his girl
    She's a mighty fine person
    It's a mighty fine world
    I'm gonna make all your sorrows bright
    Set your soul free
    I'll see you tomorrow night
    If I can still see
    Ginger Caputo
    And Dorian Gray
    Oughtta stay out of pictures
    If they got nothin' to say
    Stack 'em back on the rack Jack
    Ya know, you're hurting my eye
    Forbidden Jimmy
    He's getting ready to fly
    (Repeat Chorus)
    I got caught cooking popcorn
    And calling it hail
    They wanna stick my head
    Inside a water pail
    Ya know, they're gonna be sorry
    They're gonna pay for it too
    Forbidden Jimmy
    He's coming straight at you
  8. Saddle in the Rain

    I wish, I hope, I wonder
    Where you're at sometimes
    Is your back against the wall?
    Or just across the line
    Have you been standing in the rain
    Reciting nursery rhymes?
    Trying to recall
    Some long lost kind of peace of mind
    Peace of mind
    Try spending the night sometime
    All alone in a frozen room
    Afterneath you've lain
    Your Saddle in the rain
    I dreamed they locked God up
    Down in my basement
    And he waited there for me
    To have this accident
    So he could drink my wine
    And eat me like a sacrament
    And I just stood there like I do
    Then I came and went
    I came and went
    Like a bird in a foreign sky
    Couldn't even say good bye
    Or come and share the pain
    My Saddle's in the rain
    I saw a friend who doesn't know
    If I'm his friend just yet
    His eyes and mouth were widely open
    And his jaw was set
    Like he'd fell off a cliff
    And hadn't hit the bottom yet
    I wish he wouldn't pull those things on me
    Without a net
    Without a net
    I had him up to the house one time
    And we was having a real good time
    Then he went and lain
    His Saddle in the rain
    In a laundromat not too far
    From the Alamo
    Sits a girl who stole my records
    Very long ago
    And she wishes, wants and washes
    Out those dirty clothes
    As she shuts her eyes and dreams
    About her one eyed Joe
    One eyed Joe
    Car parked on a dirty road
    Heaven knows the load she pulled
    Couldn't take the strain
    A Saddle in the rain
  9. That Close to You

    Like a bolt of lightning
    Like a bolt of thunder
    Like a cloudy day
    Down at the Zoo
    Like a drowning man
    That will never go under
    That close to you
    Yeah, that close to you
    In the middle of the night
    You'd ask me to make you smile
    You'd come on like a one armed child
    With a hole in its shoe
    Poor you
    Everybody oughtta know
    It only hurts ya for a little while
    So stop putting yourself on trial
    For something you didn't do
    Not you
    To me
    Can't we
    Just like
    Lovers and mothers and brothers
    And sorrow
    Can I find a little something
    With a nicer view
    I'm hating to plead
    But I'm begging to borrow
    Just to be
    That close to you
    Yeah, that close to you
  10. He Was in Heaven Before He Died

    There's a rainbow of babies
    Draped over the graveyard
    Where all the dead sailors
    Wait for their brides
    And the cold bitter snow
    Has strangled each grassblade
    Where the salt from their tears
    Washed out with the tide
    And I smiled on the Wabash
    The last time I passed it
    Yes I gave her a wink
    From the passenger side
    And my foot fell asleep
    As I swallowed my candy
    Knowing he was in heaven
    Before he died
    Now the harbor's on fire
    With the dreams and desires
    Of a thousand young poets
    Who failed 'cause they tried
    For a rhyme without reason
    Floats down to the bottom
    Where the scavengers eat 'em
    And wash in with the tide
    (Repeat Chorus)
    The sun can play tricks
    With your eyes on the highway
    The moon can lay sideways
    Till the ocean stands still
    But a person can't tell
    His best friend he loves him
    Till time has stopped breathing
    You're alone on the hill
    (Repeat Chorus)
  11. You Never Can Tell

    It was a teenage wedding
    And the old folks wished 'em well
    You could see that Pierre
    Did truly love the Mademoiselle.
    And the young Monsieur and Madame
    Have rung the chapel bell,
    "C'est la vie,"
    -Say the old folks
    It goes to show that you never can tell

    They furnished off an apartment 
    With a two room Roebuck sale
    The coolerator was filled
    With TV Dinners and ginger ale
    But when Pierre found work,
    The little money comin' worked out well
    "C'est la vie,"
    -Say the old folks
    It goes to show that you never can tell

    They had a Hi-Fi phono
    Boy, did they let it blast
    Seven hundred little records
    All rock, rhythm and jazz
    But when the sun went down
    The rapid tempo of the music fell
    "C'est la vie,"
    -Say the old folks
    It goes to show that you never can tell

    They bought a souped up jitney
    'Twas a cherry in fifty-three
    They drove it down to New Orleans
    To celebrate their anniversary.
    It was there where Pierre was wedded
    To the lovely Mademoiselle,
    "C'est la vie,"
    -Say the old folks
    It goes to show that you never can tell

    It was a teenage wedding
    And the old folks wished 'em well
    You could see that Pierre
    Did truly love the Mademoiselle.
    And the young Monsieur and Madame
    Have rung the chapel bell,
    "C'est la vie,"
    -Say the old folks
    It goes to show that you never can tell